Epicurus : “During my illess, my conversation were not about my physical state; I did not waste my visitors’ time with things of that sort, but went on discussing philosophy, and concentrated on one point in particular: how the mind can participate in the sensations of the body and yet maintain it’s serenity, and focus on its own well–being…I went on living my life the way it should be lived”

Marcus Aurelius, “Meditations”, Book Nine

I’ve gone through a lot of emotions as I’ve come to grips with my illness.

At first, disbelief…followed closely by helplessness and uselessness.

The part that was the hardest to overcome was an overwhelming sense of being broken. Since there’s not a cure to what I have, it felt that any treatment was akin to putting oil into a car with an oil leak. Sure the act of putting oil in makes it seem like you’re doing something, but it still ultimately ends up on the garage floor. In my case, the act of treatments seemed like I was doing something, but at the end of the day, what was I accomplishing?

Nothing. My car, my body, was eventually going to break down.

In my darkest moments, I knew in my heart that light sensitivity would give way to blindness. Periodic dizziness would lead to the inability to walk. Dark moments.

I am not plagued by these thoughts anymore. Thankfully. Also – I’m not blind and can walk. Super thankful for that!

In the quote that opens this post, I used an excerpt from Marcus Aurelius’s “Meditations” that quotes Epicurus, a Greek philosopher that died from kidney stones. (I’ve had kidney stones. They’re AWFUL.) Despite the brutal pain that he must have been in, he bravely continued to do what he loved. In his example, we can find inspiration.

What I discovered, and continue to discover through my studies, is that life needs to be lived. You’re the one that can control how you ultimately live your life. Sure, you could wallow. I certainly have. You could cry, throw a fit about how unfair life is. But…what does that change?

Nothing. After your cry, after your fit, what is left? You. Me. In my case, MS. In your case, well, only you know that.

Since we’ll both be here afterwards, why not continue to do the things that you’ve done, if you can still do them? And if you can’t, why not find new things that you can do? Make no mistake, this is not an easy thing to do, and it’s not easy to choose to do.

Live your life the way it should be lived.

Your Pal,

TJ