Multiple Sclerosis is a disease of many different faces – it looks different for different people. – Everyone, probably.

Multiple Sclerosis changed my life. It has made my life more difficult, certainly. It has also allowed me to make some significant discoveries about myself. I’ve learned a lot about the world around me too.

I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) in summer of 2022.

For the uninitiated, MS is an auto-immune disease that presently has no cure. It causes a person’s immune system to attack healthy cells, namely the sheath that protects their nerves. This sheath, called myelin, helps carry electrical signals from the brain to different parts of the body and back. For people with MS, like me, the damaged myelin can’t efficiently and properly carry these electrical signals.

It’s a disease with many faces. The combinations of symptoms can be almost infinite, because of the complexity of the brain. No two people experience MS in the exact same way; some people get tingles in their extremities, some get migraines, and some – like me, develop sensitivity to light, brain fog, and periodic dizziness.

For example – If there are two large screens in the room, it makes being in the room very uncomfortable for me if I can’t see both screens, like my brain can’t focus on either screen because the other one is showing an image it can’t process.

Another example – if I get too tired, stressed or over-stimulated, I feel drunk…and not in a fun way. Of all my symptoms, this one is the hardest to deal with.

My symptoms are mild, to put it bluntly. Some people have constant vertigo, lose the ability to walk, and even the ability to see.

Finding the Map

The diagnosis process can be long – mercifully, mine only took about 3 months. For some people, it can be much longer. There are multiple MRIs, vision tests, muscle strength, reflex, and coordination tests. Throughout the process, I could not bring myself to call it “Multiple Sclerosis”. I knew that’s what I was being evaluated for, but I felt that giving it a name was somehow giving it power. Instead, I called it “Mississippi”, a play on the state’s abbreviation.

I would say things like, “We’re going to see if I have to stay in Mississippi.” when getting my tests, or “I can’t wait to leave Mississippi.”

As it turns out, it’s going to take a miracle to leave Mississippi.

Getting Comfortable in The Grove

The good thing is, I’m not alone. There are millions of people that have the same disease I do, and the treatments now are far better than they were even 10 years ago.

It’s possible to live a full, good life with MS.

You may have to re-define what “good” means, though.

Since my diagnosis, I’ve had to adapt. I gave up my middle-management position at my employer and moved to a position with less stress. I’ve had to adjust my volunteer activities to allow more room for rest.

More importantly, I’ve had to find reasons to keep going, to find balance, to not blame God for my situation. And to be clear, there are people that have it way, way worse with MS than I do. I can still do 95% of what I could do before my diagnosis. I can still walk, run – even dance. I still drive. I can still do…other things.

MS Taketh, and Giveth

Even with what MS has taken from me (and there are others that have it much worse) – it’s part of my story. I wouldn’t have gotten so interested in Stoic philosophy, or found reasons to have Faith again. I wouldn’t have spent so much time in quiet reflection, which led me to ask my healthcare team about ADHD.

I wouldn’t have started this website – and you wouldn’t be along for the ride.

Your Pal,

TJ